Never Give In
by blackXroseXdying
Summary: What do you do when the voice just won't stop?  Sam is 16. Dean is 20.  M for blood and self harm.
1. Chapter 1

**Never Give In**

**Sam is hearing voices and doesn't know how to stop them.  
>Italic's is 'The Voice.'<br>Rated M for blood and self harm.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.**

**Sam's POV**

It started when I was 6. Back then it was just one tiny whisper. Almost like a thought, but it didn't sound like all my other thoughts did. I told Dean about it and he told to keep my mouth shut and not tell dad. He said it wasn't normal, even for us. Of course I listened to him, he was my big brother and I looked up to him.  
>Now, it's the same voice, but it's louder, almost screaming, and it's there all the time.<p>

'_It's your fault Sammy. All of it. Your mom. As well as all the other people that have gotten hurt since then. It's your fault Dean grew up on the road without a mom or a proper home to live in. And your daddy had to spend the last 16 years without his Mary. If you weren't here Sammy, none of this would've happened.'_

To begin with I ignored the voice. It was easier when it was just a little whisper, now it was harder.

"It's not true, it can't be." I whispered to myself, burying the heels of my hands in my eyes.

'_Of course it is Sammy. Think about it. Before you came along, your family was happy. Mommy's dead because of you. Dean doesn't have a mommy anymore and daddy doesn't have a wife.'_

It was the same thing over and over again but with each time it was said, it hurt that little bit more.

"Go away. Stop!" I growled loudly.

I was sitting in the motel on my bed. Dean and dad were out on a simple Salt 'N' Burn and had left me behind. Dad had told me he didn't want me getting in the way.

'_That's right Sammy. Even daddy thinks you're in the way. Dean does too, he's just better at hiding it then daddy is. They'd be better off without ya Sam. Way better off.'_

I covered my ears but the voice didn't stop. It never stopped.

'_Tsk Tsk Sammy. After 10 years you still haven't learnt? Covering your ears doesn't help Sammy. As long as you're still breathing…I'm gonna be right here; whispering in your ear. You deserve this Sam. After everything you did, and everything you're gonna do. To your family and all those innocent people.'_

"I didn't mean to I swear. I never meant to hurt anybody." Tears were falling fast down my face now as I cradled my head in my hands. My knees where pulled up to my chest and I rocked slowly back and forth.

'_Crazy Little Sammy. Look at yourself. Rockin' back and forth like an insane person in a mental ward. I won't go away Sam…not until you do.'_

"Then I'll go." I whispered to myself.

I stood up and walked over to the coffee table at pulled the motel stationary towards myself. I picked up the pen and started writing a letter to Dean.  
>When I was done, I folded the note in half, wrote Dean's name across the front and left it on the table. I stood in the middle of the room, looking around one last time.<p>

'_Poor little Sammy. Too weak and pathetic to face up his mistakes. Too weak to live with the guilt of what he's done to his own family. And to others.'_

I walked over to my bed and pulled the Bowie Knife out from under my pillow and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

'_Look at yourself; crying like a baby. That should be your name. It shouldn't be Samuel Winchester, it should be Pathetic and Worthless.'_

I fell to my knees and more tears poured down my face.

'_You're not gonna do it Sam; you're too weak and pathetic.'_

I pulled up the left sleeve of my jacket and looked down at my scar covered arm. One scar for every time the voice had insulted me; there was a lot of scars.

'_Come on Sammy. Don't be weak. DO IT! It's the only way you'll ever be able to save anybody. DO IT!'_

I gripped the knife in my right hand and brought the knife down 4 times in row, watching as the blood rose quickly to the surface and rand down my wrist and hand to form a small pool on the bathroom floor.

'_Really? That's not gonna cut it Sammy. You're gonna have to do better then that if you want to stop ruining people 's lives.'_

I let out a sob as I realized the voice was right and more tears fell down my face.  
>I rested the knife at the crease of my elbow and pressed the blade down, watching blood start to surface once again before I dragged the knife down the length of my arm, stopping at my wrist where the other new cuts began. Blood flowed thick and fast down my arm and I nearly dropped the knife.<p>

'_Nearly there Sammy.'_

I gripped the knife one last time and slashed at my wrist 3 more times before I dropped the knife. I slumped backwards into the wall as my vision went fuzzy and I could feel a slight stinging in my left arm. I saw the blood and a small smile crossed my face briefly before disappearing. As my eyes slipped closed I heard the voice speak one last time.

'_You did good Sammy. No one else has to suffer now.'_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own**

The Impala pulled into the parking lot of the motel and Dean and John got out. John went to the trunk of the car and Dean went and unlocked the motel room door and walked inside.

"Sammy! We're back!" Dean called, looking around the room. When he didn't see his brother on either of the beds or in the kitchen he went and sat on the couch.

'_Must've gone for a walk.' _Dean thought to himself, which really was quite ridiculous considering it was nearly 2am.

He looked down at the coffee table and saw the folded up note with his name on it. He picked it up and read it quickly before throwing it back onto the table and running into the bathroom. He nearly gagged at what he saw. Sam was as white as death and lying slumped against the wall next to the shower, the knife next to his right hand and blood still steadily creating a pool on the floor at his left wrist.

"Sammy!" Dean took two steps towards his brother before dropping to his knees next to him and slapping him lightly on the cheek a few times. "Sammy, god, wake up. Please wake up."

A finger on Sam's right hand twitched. Dean grabbed a clean tea towel from the kitchen and wet it before wrapping it around Sam's arm and picking him up.

"Dad, we need to get Sam to the hospital." Dean said as he walked quickly out of the room and John lifted his head up from out of the trunk.

"He's just sleepin' Dean, go put him back in bed," John said, going back to what he was doing.

"He's not sleeping dad. There's a note on the coffee table and…go look at the bathroom."

The panic in Dean's voice was enough to make John close the trunk of the car and run into the motel room.  
>Dean managed to open the back door of the car enough to put his foot it the gap and pull it the rest of the way open with his foot. He lay Sam down on the back seat before closing the door and getting into the front passenger seat.<br>John ran out of the motel room then, barely stopping to lock the door behind him, and he go into the car silently and sped out of the parking lot and to the only hospital in town. 

They pulled into the parking lot of the hospital nearly 10 minutes later and Dean was out of the car and pulling Sam out of the backseat before John had even opened his own door.

"Dean ran into the emergency room ahead of his dad. 

"Someone help me! Please!" he yelled.

A gurney was wheeled quickly over to him and Dean put Sam down on the bed. The nurse started to wheel the gurney away and Dean went to follow it but was stopped by the doctor.

"You can't go back there son." He said.

"He's my brother." Dean said as John ran in.

"Where's my son?" John asked the doctor.

"He's been taken into a room down the hall for treatment." The doctor said.

Dean pushed past both his father and the doctor and ran down the corridor, glancing in the rooms he ran passed. He got to the room at the very end and saw Sam still unconscious, lying in the bed while a nurse stitched up the biggest cut on Sam's arm.

"You can't be back here; you need to wait in the waiting room." A voice said and steered Dean back down the corridor and into a room full of sad and stressed looking people.

John wasn't there but Dean didn't question it. He just slumped down into one of the chairs and stared at the floor.  
>The door to the waiting room opened but Dean didn't look up until he saw the shadow of someone standing in front of him. He was angry and shaking Sam's letter in Dean's face.<p>

"Did you know about this? About this…insanity?" John tried not to yell.

"Yes." Dean whispered, looking back at the ground.

"Why didn't you tell me?" When Dean didn't say anything he asked, "When did you find out?"

"When he was 6." Dead still refused to look at his father.

"10 years? Why didn't you say anything Dean?" John was angry. "We could've stopped this, but now your brother is dying, and all because you couldn't speak up."

"You think I don't know that? You think I don't know this is all my fault!" Dean yelled, getting to his feet.

"This is your mistake Dean, you fix it. I'm leaving the Impala here and I'm going." John shoved the letter into Dean's chest and started walking away.

"So you're just gonna walk away from Sam? While he's dying?" Dean yelled at his back.

John stopped in the doorway. "This isn't my problem to fix Dean; it's yours. Don't even try to call me or find until it's fixed, and that means Sam alive. If he doesn't make it though this…don't bother."

John walked out the door and Dean crumpled into his seat and shoved the letter in the pocket of his jeans. He tilted his head back and refused to le himself cry. He had to be strong for him brother, especially now.  
>Dean stayed in the waiting room for hours, drinking cup after cup of coffee to stay awake.<p>

"You've been here a long time, you should go home and try to get some sleep." A voice said next to Dean and he looked over to see a woman, who looked just like his mother, holding a sleeping baby.

"My brother will wake up soon. I just have to wait for him to wake up." Dean said, looking away again and finishing his coffee.

Before the woman could reply, the waiting room door opened again and Dean looked up to see Sam's doctor walking up to him and he stood up, throwing his empty Styrofoam cup into the bin next to his chair.

"At least tell me he's alive." Dean said before the doctor could say anything.

"He's alive. Barely." The doctor said and Dean let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "But before you go in and see him we need to ask you a few questions."

Dean answered all the usual questions (name, date of birth, medical conditions) but then came the 2 questions Dean really didn't want to answer;

"Where you the one that found him?"

As Dean nodded his head the image of Sam lying in a pool of blood on the bathroom floor flooded his head and he had to close his eyes to stop from crying.

Then came the last question. The one he was dreading;

"What exactly happened to him?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own :(**

Dean really didn't want to have to answer this question.

"He…" Dean didn't know if he was going to be able to say it.

"Did somebody do this to him?" the doctor asked.

"He…he did it himself."

"Do you know why he would do something like this?"

_Because our dad's an ass who makes us hunt things you wouldn't even picture in your worst nightmare, and Sammy here started hearing voices in his head.' _Dean thought.

"He said he was hearing voices…just one actually; in his head." Dean said, making a silent apology to Sam for saying that and making him sound insane.

"And you didn't act upon it? Did you tell your father?"

"He was 6! I didn't think he was serious. I thought it was like an imaginary friend kinda thing. I didn't tell anybody, I just told him to ignore it and it would go away. He didn't bring it up again so I thought it had gone and I forgot about it."

_God, what have I done? I've killed Sammy. I've killed my baby brother. _Dean thought as he tried not to sink back down into his chair.

"Can I go see him?" When he saw the doctor about to protest he said, "Please?"  
>It came out pleadingly and broken and the doctor nodded his head and walked out of the room.<br>Dean grabbed his leather jacket off the back of the chair and raced after him. He followed the doctor back into the room he'd seen Sam in earlier, only now Sam was hooked up to a heart monitor and had an IV needle stuck in his right wrist and was dressed in blue hospital pants and a white t-shirt. His left arm from the elbow down to the palm of his hand was heavily bandaged.  
>Dean closed the door behind him and walked further into the room and threw his jacket on the bottom of the bed.<p>

"Oh god Sammy; what have I done? I shouldn't have told you too shut your mouth, I should've helped you, and now you're dying and it's all my fault. I'm so sorry Sammy." Dean said, sitting down in the seat next to Sam's bed.

"If I could go back and take back everything I said that day I would, but I can't. And I don't know of anything that could possibly help you; so it's up to you little brother."

Dean sat in the chair watching Sam as he laid motionless in the hospital bed.  
>Hours passed and Dean gradually got more and more exhausted until eventually he couldn't keep him eyes open and he fell asleep.<p>

When Dean woke up Sam was still unconscious. Dean looked up at the clock. 10pm. It had been nearly 20 hours since Dean had found Sam on the bathroom floor back at the motel.

"Come on, Sammy, you gotta wake up."

Dean pulled Sam's letter out of his pocket and unfolded it, reading it again.

_Dean,  
>I'm sorry. For everything.<br>For getting mom killed.  
>The voice was right and I realise that now.<br>I'm sorry it took me this long to figure it out.  
>So I'm going to do what I should've done a long time ago.<br>I'm ending it Dean; I'm ending everything.  
>That way you and dad won't have to worry about me getting in the way anymore.<br>You won't have to look out for my pathetic worthless ass anymore.  
>I'm sorry<br>Sam_

Dean folded the note back up and stuffed it back into his pocket before going out into the waiting room to get another cup of coffee. When he walked back into the room he saw Sam was waking up.

"Dean? Dean, where am I?" Sam asked, still half asleep, when he saw Dean walking through the doorway.

"In the hospital Sam." Dean said, sitting back down in the chair and putting his coffee on the side table next to the bed.

"What why? I don't remember going with you and dad…where is dad?"

"You didn't get hurt on a hunt Sammy; and dad's…gone."

"Gone where?"

"I don't know." Dean shook his head. "But you're awake now, so I can call him."

"Dean, tell me what's going on." Sam looked down at his arm and went pale. "Dean? What…?"

"You tried to kill yourself Sam." Dean pulled the letter out of his pocket and through it to Sam.

Sam unfolded it and read it quickly before putting it on the bedside table.

"Dean, I'm sorry."

"Explain to me why you did it Sam. What exactly was this, _voice _saying to you?"

"It doesn't…"

"Don't you dare say it doesn't matter." Dean clenched his teeth. "Just tell me."

"Exactly what I wrote in the letter. It's my fault that mom's dead, that you don't have a home or a mother and that dad doesn't have a wife. I could never help, because I was too pathetic to be of any proper help to anybody. I got in the way and all those people died..."

"What people?"

"All of the ones we couldn't save whenever I tried to help, but I just got in the way."

"Sam, don't ever think that again. It's not true. Okay? Me and dad hate doing all that research crap and that's what you're best at. So don't you ever think any of that again okay?" When Sam finally nodded Dean asked, "Can you hear anything in there? Besides you're on thoughts?"

Sam thought for a minute and then shook his head. "No, it's quite. Just me in there. It feels good." Sam smiled for a second before it fell. "Why can you call dad now that I'm awake? Does he not know that I'm here?"

"Yeah he knows, about all of it, and since you told me when you 6 and I didn't do anything…he blamed me and I guess it was my fault it got this bad but… Anyway, dad told me not to even try to call or find him until you woke up."

Dean pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialled his father's number. It rang and rang until it got to the voicemail.

"Dad it's Dean. Sam's awake, I don't know where you are, but we'll probably have to stay at the hospital a little longer just to make sure Sam's really okay."

Dean hung up and chucked the phone on top of his jacket.

"No answer?" Sam asked.

"No, no answer. I better go get your doctor, tell him you're awake."

"Dean don't. Can we just…leave? I've seen movies like this Dean. They stick the person under suicide watch for at least 72 hours and put in freakin' metal ward. Let's just, bail."

Dean thought about it for a second before getting up and closing the door. He unplugged the heart monitor from the wall and pulled the IV out of Sam's wrist. Dean found Sam's clothes in the bottom drawer of the beside table and threw them to him.

"Get dressed quickly and then we'll go."

Sam walked into the bathroom dressed quickly and then walked back out to find Dean opening the window.

"Good thing we're on the first floor huh?" Dean said with a smile.

He put his phone and Sam's letter back into his pocket and threw his jacket out the window and then jumped out after it. Sam followed him a second later and they walked carefully around the building and back into the parking lot where the Impala was still sitting.

"So where do we start looking?" Sam asked as they got in the car.

"We got see Bobby; start there." Dean said and pulled out of the parking lot


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**I know it's been a while since I've updated, but I had major writers block and just could not think of where this was going to go at all. I have a few ideas, but I honestly can't see this going much further at all.**

Bobby was sitting in the library flipping through an old leather bound book when he heard the sound of the Impala pulling up outside his house. The engine cut off, there was a moment of silence and then the front door opened.  
>"Bobby!" It was Dean.<br>"In here boy!" Bobby called back.  
>The screen door banged closed and the sound of boots walking down the hall filled the house.<br>Bobby looked up from his book when the footsteps stopped and saw the two boys standing in the doorway. Dean was looking right at him, but Sam was staring at the floor.  
>"Your dad still out there?" Bobby asked as Dean threw himself onto the couch near the window.<br>"You mean you haven't seen him?" Dean asked.  
>"Not since the last time you were all here." Bobby shrugged.<br>Sam shuffled his feet a couple of times and then walked outside.  
>"What's with your brother?"<br>"Something...something happened to Sam and, well, dad didn't react well. He told me not to call unless Sammy survived and then he took off. I've tried his cell but I just get his voicemail." Dean said, trying not to give too much away.  
>"Survived? Survived what? Was he injured on a hunt or something?"<br>"No. He ah...he tried to...he tried to kill himself." Dean said just loud enough for Bobby to hear.  
>"Go get your brother. I'll call your dad."<br>Dean nodded and ran out of the house as Bobby walked into the kitchen and dialed John's number. It rang twice and went to voicemail. Bobby left a lengthy message, telling John to haul his ass to his house as fast as could or there'd be hell to pay.  
>He hung up the phone and then walked outside to see Dean walking back up towards the house.<br>"You find him?" Bobby asked.  
>"No, I'm gonna go down the road a bit. See if maybe he went that way." Bobby nodded and Dean climbed into the Impala.<p>

**Sam's POV****  
><strong>_I told you I'd be with you forever Sammy. Didn't think you could get rid of me that easily did you? Good that you got out of there, or Bobby would be the next to be hurt or killed by your stupidity. _

"SHUT UP! I'M SICK OF YOU! WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD?" Sam yelled.  
>He was walking down the side of the road, the sun beating down on him.<p>

_You already know the answer to that boy. You just weren't strong enough. All you can do now is stay away from people. You'll always have me though, don't worry about that._

The voice laughed and Sam's vision started going blurry. He had been walking for a good 20 minutes and hadn't eaten anything for nearly 2 days now.  
>His head started spinning, and his hands were shaking as he fought the urge to throw up. He felt himself falling and didn't have time to put his hands out to brace his fall. Just before his eyes closed and everything went black, he heard a familiar growling noise and saw a black shape speeding towards him.<p>

_**A/N: I have more written and will probably be up later this morning or sometime tonight. I just want to leave it there. I don't have anymore Ideas for this story because it was just supposed to be a one-shot. One of my friends however convinced me to write more and now I'm stuck. It will probably only have 2 more chapters**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Normal POV  
><strong>Dean sped down the road, back the way they had come from town. He was nearly 2 miles from Bobby's driveway when he saw Sam stumble and fall down into the dirt on the side of the road. He skidded to a stop on the side of the road and threw the door open. He got out and kneeled down next to his brother. He rolled him over and pulled his head into lap and out of the dirt.  
>Sam was pale and cold and shaking uncontrollably even though it was the middle of summer and hot as it could get.<br>Dean lifted Sam up off the ground and put him into backseat of the Impala before climbing in the front and turning around and heading back to Bobby's. The whole drive back Dean couldn't stop thinking about how similar it was to the night before.  
>Dean pulled into the driveway and hit the breaks, sending dust flying everywhere. He pulled the keys out of the ignition and then got Sam out from the backseat. He closed the door with his hip and climbed the porch steps, where Bobby was waiting with the door.<br>"He's not..." Bobby started, following Dean into the library.  
>"He's alive. I think he just passed out from the heat." Dean has sat Sam on the couch and was currently removing his boots and jacket.<br>"I'll get some wet cloths and some water." Bobby walked into the kitchen and came back a few minutes later with a bucket full of ice cold water and several face cloths.  
>"Thanks Bobby." Dean went to work soaking the cloths and wrapping them around Sam's arms - avoiding the bandage on the left one - and put one across his forehead. "He should wake up soon and then we need to get him to eat something. Did you get dad on the phone?"<br>"Just went to voice mail. Maybe he's on a hunt?"  
>"Yeah maybe, but he didn't have a car."<br>"He's had one stashed somewhere for the last couple of years. Don't know where he kept it though."  
>"I'm gonna try calling him again." Dean said, walking into the hallway and pulling out his phone.<br>He dialed is father's number and it went straight to voice mail, just like it had every other time he'd tried to call.  
>Dean walked silently back into the library and sat on the floor near Sams head.<br>"Dad's not coming is he?" Sam asked weakly.  
>"He will soon, don you think you can keep some food down?" Bobby asked.<br>"Maybe."  
>Bobby went into kitchen and started clanging around making lunch.<br>Sam relaxed into the lumpy couch and closed his eyes.  
>"Don't go back to sleep yet Sammy, you need to eat something. Bobby's making you something." Dean said.<br>"But 'm tired." Sam said, already half asleep.  
>"Okay, go back to sleep and you can have it when you wake up."<br>Dean patted Sam on the shoulder and then went and joined Bobby in the kitchen.  
>"Sam's gone back to sleep. Even though him and dad fight all the time...I can tell he wants dad to be here."<br>"Your father's just..."  
>Bobby's reply was cut off by Sam screaming in the other room. He and Dean turned around the see John dragging Sam down the hallway with an arm around his neck.<br>"Dad, what the hell are you doing!" Dean yelled and John stopped right in front of the door.  
>"I'm taking him away. He will not destroy this family with his stupidity." John's arm tightened around Sam's neck for a second and then relaxed.<br>"Dad, let him go! I didn't call you so you could come here and kidnap Sam!"  
>"Dad...please!" Sam said.<br>"This has nothing to do with you." John said and punched Sam in the stomach. "Keep him, I don't want a son that's going to do something so pathetic!"  
>John shoved Sam to the floor and stormed out the door. The sound of his truck reversing back onto the main road filled the air and then there was silence.<br>"Sam? You okay?" Dean asked, kneeling down next to his little brother.  
>"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Is there still food left? " Sam asked as he stood up.<br>Dean laughed. "Yeah you're fine. There's chicken soup in the kitchen."  
>After lunch they went back into the library and Sam sat back down on the couch, he looked exhausted again.<br>"Why don't you go up to bed and sleep properly? You look like you need it." Dean said, sitting next to him.  
>"I'm fine Dean, just hand me that book would ya?" Sam said and pointed to a thick book that was sitting on the floor.<br>Dean picked it up and handed it to Sam without looking at it.  
>They all sat in relative silence until it got late and Bobby went up to bed.<br>"You coming up to bed Sam, or you gonna sleep down here?" Dean said, hand on the door jam.  
>"I'm coming, it'll be nice to sleep in a good bed again." Sam closed the book and thumped up the stairs as Dean turned out the light and followed him.<br>When Dean got up the room he and Sam were sharing, Sam was already asleep on top of the covers and still fully dressed.  
>Dean laughed and shook his head as he changed and turned off the light. He hought he heard Sam speak to him but he was too tired to pay attention as he climbed into bed and drifted off to sleep.<p>

(Line Break)

Sam woke up and the room was dark. The only sound was Dean snoring in the bed next to him.

_You're alone with me now Sammy._

"Leave me alone and let me sleep damn it!" Sam growled softly so he wouldn't wake Dean.

_Now now, don't be like that. You know I'm not going anywhere. You know you deserve this, why won't you admit it to yourself? You know everything is your fault. I can feel it...buried inside you. What will it take to make you realize?_

"Dean says it's not my fault. I believe him above you. Dean wouldn't lie to me."

_And you think I would? Don't be silly Sam. Why do we always have to have the same conversation everyday?_

"Well then get lost. Don't like me ignoring you, go away!"

_Not getting rid of me that easily Sam. How many times do I have to say it? Someone needs to make sure you stay on track. Someone needs to make sure you know what you've done. I've said before Sam, it's all your fault. ALL OF IT! If you want it to stop so badly, if you want to be normal, you know what you have to do. And don't screw it up this time._

"I'm not listening to you anymore. You've ruined my life enough! Leave me alone!" Sam said, nearly shouting.  
>"Sam? You okay over there?" Dean asked quietly.<br>"I'm fine Dean, just go back to sleep."  
>Dean grunted and then rolled over onto his other side and started snoring again instantly.<p>

_See even Dean doesn't care what's wrong with you. He knows...he just doesn't want to know. He wants to pretend it's not happening. One day he's going to leave you, just like your daddy did. And you'll be all alone. You may as well just get it over with Sam._

"No. I won't let you win. Not again. You'll never make me leave. He's my brother, my flesh and blood. I may have screwed up but Dean still cares."

_NO HE DOESN'T! Get with the program, he doesn't care, he doesn't want to know you. He thinks your crazy. Hearing voices Sam? They'll send you straight to an asylum. And they'll never let you out. Is that what you want? To be locked up for the rest of your life?_

"Shut up, please. Let me sleep."  
>Sam was exhausted even after being unconscious for nearly 24 hours it felt like he hadn't slept in days, and the voice wasn't helping matters.<p>

_No! Learn to live with me or end it. Your choice Sam._

Sam groaned and rolled onto his stomach, pulling his pillow over his head.

_This again? How many times have we been through this one? That will never work. I'm not a noise on the outside world, I'm in your head.  
><em>The voice laughed again and Sam swore before throwing his pillow across the room where it hit the wall.  
>The voice continued to laugh and taunt him all night and Sam tried to ignore as he had done for those first few years, but it was getting harder as the night wore on.<br>Sam got up and did his usual morning routine as the sun was rising and he was downstairs eating breakfast when Bobby walked in.  
>"You're up early." he said.<br>"Couldn't sleep." Sam replied, not looking up from his cereal.  
>"Well maybe you can help me then. There's a pile of books on my desk that I need to go through for a friend. He's hunting something and needs help figuring out what it is exactly."<br>"Okay, yeah I think can do that."  
>Sam put his bowl in the sink and then turned back to Bobby.<br>"What exactly is it I'm looking for?" he asked.  
>"There's a list on top of the books. Might take a while."<br>"That's fine. I'll give me something useful to do."

_You be useful? You're kidding yourself there Sam. You couldn't be useful if you tried!  
><em>The voice shouted at him and Sam flinched as he walked into the library. He studied the list for a few minutes and then picked up the first book and started reading.  
>He was nearly through the second one and still hadn't found anything when Dean walked out nearly 2 hours later. He stopped and stared at Sam before walking into the kitchen.<br>Sam could hear Bobby and Dean talking quietly in the kitchen and tried to ignore the voice in his head telling him they were talking about him.

_You're right Sam, they are talking about you. They're trying to decide what to do with you. They think you're insane._

"No they don't. Bobby's telling Dean about the case he's friend's on. He's telling Dean why I'm in here reading all these books and writing stuff down. They aren't talking about me. They wouldn't do that." Sam whispered.

_I wouldn't be so sure about that. I can hear what they're saying. Oh look here they come, to tell you they're shipping you off. Don't say I didn't warn you Sammy._

Dean and Bobby walked into the room and Bobby sat at his desk while Dean picked up a book and sat next to Sam before. Every time Sam flipped a page in the book or shifted around in his seat Dean would look over at him.  
>After nearly two hours of this Sam had had enough.<br>"I'm going outside." Sam said, picking up another book and heading towards the front door.  
>"Why? It's hot out there." Dean asked.<br>"Stop looking at me like you're waiting for me to snap or explode. I can't handle it. How many times do I have to tell you I'm fine!" Sam snapped and stormed outside.

_Finally! You know you are insane though. Worse than some people._

"Shut up! I'm not crazy!" Sam yelled.

_You're talking to a voice inside you're own head Sam. That sounds plenty crazy to me.  
><em>Sam climbed into the bed of an old rusted pickup and ignored the voice as he started taunting him again.

_**A/N: So this chapter kinda sucked, but I just wanted to post something tonight. I know there's a lot of dialogue, but that's just how I write, I am working on that though. I am going away in a few days and won't have any internet for a week, so I won't be able to post anything, but I should have another chapter up in the next day to satisfy those that are reading this story.  
>Thank you to everyone who is reading this and has reviewed.<br>**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six  
><strong>**Sam's POV**

I sat in the bed of the truck, flipping through one of the books I'd brought out with me when I heard something that sounded like footsteps. I was sure it was Dean and when I looked up to tell him to leave me alone, I saw nothing. There was nothing but old cars surrounding me.  
>I shrugged it off and went back to reading.<br>I was halfway through the second book when I heard the footsteps again, only this time they were running and someone was screaming my name.  
>I snapped the book closed and jumped out of the bed of the truck and onto the dirt path. Looking around I still couldn't see anything, but I couldn't still here my name being called.<br>I walked down the path, further away from the house then I think I've ever actually gone.  
>The voice changed direction and I started to weave in between cars to catch up to it, only it seemed to be getting further away now. I started running, and the voice was getting closer. I ran harder and came across a steel shed. I'd never seen this morning. I looked around and saw that there weren't even cars here. Maybe Bobby didn't even know this was here.<br>"Sammy!" the voice screamed again. This time it was inside the shed.  
>I inhaled the clean air as I pulled out the knife I always kept with me and I walked slowly forwards. A knife wouldn't do much, but it would hopefully slow an opponent down enough for me to make it back to Bobby's and get back up.<br>"HELP ME SAMMY!" The voice screamed and I hesitated for a second.  
>Then I kicked the door down.<br>It was weak and came off the hinges easily. Most of the room was bathed in sunlight, except for the back left corner. It was dark over there and I could only see shadows.  
>I could also hear someone sobbing. It sounded like...me.<br>But that wasn't possible.  
>"Shut up!" another voice roared and the one that sounded like me screamed again.<br>The voice sounded familiar to me and when a very dim light flickered on in the corner and I could finally see.

(Line Break)

I was tied to a chair; well not me exactly but a 6-year-old me, and there was a taller person standing over me.  
>"Nice of you to join us, Sam."<br>It was the voice from inside my head. The one I'd been hearing since I was 6, only it was no longer in my head. It was standing in front of me. Breathing and bleeding slightly. It was alive; human.  
>I shook my head. "No, this isn't possible..."<br>"Anything is possible Sammy. You see..."  
>He started going on a rambling speech and I tuned out and focused on the me that tied to the chair. He seemed to be bleeding from every possible place, and yet somehow he was still alive. Exhausted and wrecked, but alive.<br>"You aren't listening!" The voice screeched at me. "Do you know what he is?"  
>I shook my head.<br>"This is you, from before you first heard me. This is you, when you had hope. The only way I'm going to make you realize how truly pathetic you are is by killing your hope." He said it so calmly that I was actually scared for my younger self.  
>"I'm the pathetic one really? No, you are! You're the one that makes problems for everyone around you. Look at him over there. He should have died a long time ago and you know why he hasn't? Why he never will no matter how long you torture him for? Because I never believed in you! I never lost hope, and I never will!"<br>The room filled with a bright light and the darkness that belonged the voice in front of me lit up and then shattered.  
>I heard a clinking sound and looked up at the younger me. The chains that had bound him there had fallen to the floor and the wounds were slowly sowing back together, then slowly they started to heal into scars and eventually they faded. It all only took about 5 minutes and then I stood there, staring at myself and wondering what was going to happen next. Would he disappear too or would he be stuck here, and left to go all over the country with me and Dean?<br>I found out soon enough as the little Sammy - who had lost consciousness at some point - woke up slowly. He looked down at his arms and flipped his hands over to look at the palms. He bent down to look at his bare feet. Everything seemed to be in order.  
>He tried to stand up and then fell onto the concrete floor.<br>I rushed forward and helped him stand up.  
>"So what happens now?" I asked him.<br>"I don't know, I shouldn't still be here. I should have disappeared once I was healed, but something...something isn't right." He sounded weak; like he would pass out again at any second.  
>"Maybe we need help," I said. "And I know just where to get it.<br>I smiled down at him and we started slowly back across the shed and into the doorway. Somehow, without my realizing it, it had gotten dark; insanely dark. I was worried we wouldn't be able to find Bobby's house again until I saw it in the distance the to left. Every light seemed to be on and smiled again.  
>I picked little me up, since I didn't know if he would be able to walk that far, and I headed towards the bright lights of safety.<p>

_**A/N: So here it is as promised. Another chapter before I go away tomorrow.  
>I didn't plan for it to go this way, but it did and I actually like this chapter better than the one I had written in my head.<br>There will probably only be another chapter or 2 of this story left.**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

_**A/N:**____**I am finally updating! Sorry this took so long I went away and then we had a huge storm and I lost all power for nearly 3 days and then I got massive writer's block so I am apologizing in advance if this chapter is a little…dodgy.  
>Enjoy and review!<strong>_

**Normal POV  
><strong>Dean and Booby looked up as they heard the front door open and then slam closed. A few seconds later Sam walked in, carrying his child self and lay him on the couch. Dean looked from Sam down to the younger one and then back a few times before Sam launched into an explanation of what had happened.  
>"Well it must have been a witch then. I mean nothing else could have done it; right Bobby?" Dean said, standing up and turning to the older man.<br>"It wasn't a witch Dean!" Sam said. "It was like the voice in my head had somehow gotten out and created a body for itself."  
>"That's not possible Sam; even with everything we've seen. Have you heard it in there since it, you know…exploded?"<br>"No, I haven't heard a thing." Sam shook his head and looked down at his younger self who was now sleeping.  
>"Well that's a good thing I guess," Bobby said. "But what the heck was it and where did it come from?"<br>"I don't know. I was out there and it was yelling at me in my head and there I heard screaming and then it was gone."  
>They stood around arguing about what it could be for several more hours until Sam grew hungry and walked into the kitchen to find some food. He was sitting at the kitchen table eating a chicken sandwich when he heard a thud from the library. He stood up and walked back into the room to see Dean helping little Sam back on the couch. He had apparently rolled off it in his sleep.<br>Sam stood in the doorway watching himself as Dean and Bobby went back to throwing suggestions around again. Dean was dead set on it being a witch and Sam shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and shook his head.  
>Little Sam stood up after a few minutes. "STOP," He yelled and everyone stopped moving and looked at him. "I know what it was, and it wasn't a witch."<br>"Then what was it?" Dean asked.  
>"A Hope Demon."<br>"What the hell is that supposed to be?" Dean asked.  
>"It's sort of like a normal Demon, but a lot more powerful and it can take on human form instead of just being black smoke and possessing them and it literally kills whatever hope a person has inside them. That's why he went after me. I was the last little bit of hope that Sam had left. If either Sam or I had given in to him, we both would've died." Little Sam said, looking around at the three hunters.<br>"Great, so how do we kill it?" Bobby asked.  
>"Sam already did."<br>Little Sam grinned at the older one who couldn't help but smile back.  
>"Then why are you still here? Shouldn't you have gone back to wherever this thing pulled you from?" Dean asked.<br>"I should have, but for whatever reason, I haven't and I don't know if I can."  
>"Well you're a part of Sam right?" Both Sam's nodded and Dean looked freaked out for a second but the shook it off. "Well maybe that means you need to help Sam. To do what exactly, I don't know but that's what we need to figure out. Maybe you need to help Sam get back whatever hope he lost; to help him get over this voice thing."<br>Little Sam thought about it for a few moments and then nodded, deciding that was possible.  
>"Right, now how do we do that exactly? It's not like this is magically going to be fixed." big Sam said, looking at everyone.<br>"Maybe you just need to go back to how life used to be," Bobby said, shrugging. "And that includes calling your dad."  
>Teenage Sam groaned, "Do I have to? You saw what he did when he was here last; how he reacted. I don't know Bobby."<br>Dean and Bobby both stared at Sam until he threw his hands up and walked out of the room, taking his phone out as he went.  
>He dialled his dad's number and got the voicemail as a reply.<br>"Hey dad, it's Sam. We kinda need your help with something. It's sort of a hunt I guess but…just get to Bobby's, please? We need you."  
>Sam hung up and then stood in the hallway for a few seconds before walking back in and flopping on the couch next to Dean.<br>"Well, is he coming or not?" Dean asked, staring at Sam.  
>"There was no reply Dean. What do you expect me to do? Make him answer his phone when it's off? You know what he's like when he's on a hunt; he'll call back when he's done."<br>Sam walked back outside and came back a second later with the books that he had been reading earlier.  
>"I couldn't find anything about what your friend is hunting Bobby, sorry." Sam said as he placed the books on top of the others on the edge of Bobby's desk.<br>"It's alright kid, we figured out what it was. It was a witch of some kind; really old, really powerful. Took him and his buddy to take her down." Bobby said.  
>"What is it with everything being witches? Are they having a reunion or something?" Dean said and both Sam's laughed.<p>

Later that night they were all sitting around talking about past hunts when they heard a car pull up and then the screen door was slammed open.  
>"Alright I got your message! Now what do yo-" John stormed into the room and then froze when he saw little Sam sitting on the couch next to Dean. He looked back and forth between everyone and then looked back to his 16 year old son. "You want to explain this to me? What the hell is going on?"<br>Sam looked back at Dean who nodded and Sam turned back to his dad and launched into an explanation about what had happened.  
>When he was finished John just stood there staring at him.<br>"So what do you need my help for?" he asked.  
>"Dean and Bobby suggested that, in order for me to get back, we need things to go back to how they were before everything happened this week." Little Sam said, standing up next to his older self.<br>"And what would know kid, you're six-years-old. No, I can't. I'm not…" John stared off into space before slamming out of the house again. They heard his tires on the gravel driveway and then it was quiet again.  
>"Well, I guess that isn't going to work. Maybe if we just start hunting again everything will…you know, go back to how it was before." Dean said and Bobby nodded in agreement.<br>"So how does demon thing work exactly, if it was with you all the time than how was it with Sam as well?" Dean asked little Sam.  
>"Well everything he was saying to Sam was what he was saying to me, because well I'm just a younger version of him. Of course I didn't know about all of this stuff but when Sam found out so did I. I know it's confusing and makes no sense, but I'm pretty sure that's how with worked."<br>"So it wasn't just a voice in his head?"  
>"Not really, no."<br>Dean nodded for a second and then crouched down and pulled the younger boy in for a hug. The boy hesitated for a second and then hugged him back.  
>Nobody said anything while this was happening and after a few seconds they broke apart and Dean stood up.<br>"Bed time I think and then we'll figure all this out in the morning." Bobby said, looking at the clock on the wall. It read a quarter past midnight.  
>Both Sam's and Dean walked upstairs and within seconds of them all getting into bed they were all asleep.<p>

Sam woke up to a thud and a muffled scream. He looked over at Dean and saw that he was still asleep and then looked around the room. Everything was fine, except his six-year-old self was missing from the other side of his bed. He crept silently out of them room and saw the bare feet of the kid slipping down the stars. He could also hear his head thudding on each step and wondered how Bobby hadn't been woken up yet.  
>Sam stood at the top of the stairs and saw the younger boy being dragged by something he couldn't see. Sam ran down the stairs just as the front door was ripped open.<br>He made it out the door before it had fully closed and stopped at what he saw.  
>The demon he had thought he killed was standing in the middle of the yard with a knife at little Sam's neck.<br>"You didn't really think you could kill me did you Sam?" the demon said.  
>"You exploded…you were dead." Sam said.<br>"No, I was simply…out of action for a few hours."  
>Sam took a step forward and the demon pressed the knife closer to little Sam's neck.<br>"Come any closer and I'll kill both of you."  
>Sam stopped and held his hands up to show he wasn't going to do anything.<br>"I'm going to take him," The demon squeezed harder on little Sam's throat. "And then everything can go back to how it should be."  
>"Not on my watch it's not." Teenage Sam said and stepped forward.<br>"I warned you."  
>The demon moved the knife down and stabbed the younger boy in the chest.<br>It was over within a second; both Sam's screamed in pain and fell to the ground.  
>The demon laughed and then vanished, leaving both of the boys bleeding on the hard ground.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight  
><strong>_**A/N: So this is the final chapter. When I first started this, I had no idea where it was going, and I even surprised myself where it has ended up. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed, enjoy the last chapter!**_

**Normal POV  
><strong>Dean and Bobby were woken up by the screaming of the youngest Winchester. They ran out of the house and into the yard to see both Sam's bleeding out in the dirt; stab wound to both of their chest's and a knife sticking out from between the six-year-olds fingers.  
>Bobby and Dean looked at each other before each picking up and Sam and running back inside. They put them back in the library and Bobby stayed with them while Dean ran to get the first aid kit out of the bathroom.<br>When he got back, both of the younger boys were pale and their eyes were closed. They were barely breathing and Dean was starting to worry that he wouldn't be able to save them.  
>Bobby and Dean started to clean the wounds and patched them up as much as they could. When they were done Dean stayed kneeling in front of the couch that both Sam's were lying on. Bobby stood behind him awkwardly for a couple of minutes and then left the room to give him some time with his brothers.<br>Bobby knew there was no chance that either Sam's would survive, but he didn't want to ruin any hope that Dean had in his little brother.  
>Dean sat staring at his little brother's, watching them for any signs of movement. He didn't know how much time passed, but he could tell that he had been there a while. The sun was starting to come up over the horizon and patches of sunlight were filtering in through the cracks in the curtains.<br>Bobby had to force Dean to eat and drink throughout the day, otherwise Dean didn't leave his brothers side. By the time it was getting dark again, Dean was starting to lose hope. What if Sammy never woke up? What would he do without his little brother?  
>Dean rested his head on the edge of the couch and closed his eyes. He didn't want to imagine his life without Sammy. He was starting to drift off to sleep when he felt a hand on his head.<br>He looked up and saw his sixteen-year-old staring at him through half opened eyes.  
>"Dean..." He whispered, and then coughed, wincing as the rough movement hurt his chest.<br>"What is it Sammy?" Dean said, grabbing Sam's hand.  
>" 'm sorry. For everything. It's not my fault, I know; but I'm still sorry."<br>Sam's eyes closed with the effort that saying that one sentence had taken. His breathing was growing slower and it was so quiet Dean could almost hear when his brother's heart stopped beating.  
>"Sam? Sammy? Come on man, please!" Dean sat up a bit straighter and stared back and forth between both Sam's.<br>They were both as white as death and neither of them were breathing.  
>"Come one Sammy, please? Don't do this...I need you man." Dean whispered as tears fell from his eyes. Dean barely held back sobs as Bobby walked into the room.<br>"Dean..." Bobby started.  
>"Don't Bobby, there's nothing you can say. I'm going to get the pyre ready; we'll burn them at midnight." Dean stood up and walked passed Bobby and out into the yard.<br>He walked around the side of the house where all the fire wood was and picked up an axe. He swung the axe over his head and split one the biggest logs clean in half. He kept swinging until there was enough for the funeral pyre for both Sammy's. He set everything up so they would be already to go at midnight. there was salt and gasoline and a box of matches on a table next to everything. Dean walked back into the house and didn't look in the library where Bobby was wrapping both Sam's bodies in blankets. Instead he headed straight upstairs and started packing all of Sam's stuff into his duffle bag. He walked back downstairs and was halfway to the door when Bobby stopped him.  
>"What are you doing boy?" He asked.<br>"I'm burning Sam's stuff. I don't want to, but...I don't want him hanging around. I don't want to have to kill him later, when he's a freakin' ghost." Dean said and continued outside.  
>It was long dark by now, but Dean easily made his way to where he had left everything. He threw Sam's bag with it all and then looked at his phone. He was pondering weather or not to call his father. On one hand if he did, his father might not answer, or if he did he would probably blame Dean for not looking after Sam. On the other hand if Dean didn't call, then John might never speak to him again. Dean leaned against an old car as he flipped his phone open and dialed the number he had memorized.<br>John picked up after only a few rings.  
>"What is it Dean? I'm in the middle of a hunt and I'm ready to go and kill this thing." John said.<br>"Sam's gone." Dean said, flatly, still unable to believe it.  
>"What do you mean gone? Did he wonder off again?"<br>"No, I mean he's _gone. _He's...he's dead."  
>There was silence on the other line and then, "He what? I thought I told you look after him Dean; make sure he didn't get into trouble. What happened?"<br>"I don't know exactly. I think it was that Hope Demon. My guess is that it stabbed little Sam and so that killed the older one."  
>"Where were you when this happened? I told you to always keep an eye on him."<br>"I was asleep." Dean said; as if it was now suddenly his fault his brother had died. "I thought he was too. I didn't hear until..."  
>"Until what?"<br>"Until he screamed. Until I was too late." Dean was whispering now and he felt tears welling up in his eyes again.  
>"I'll be there in 3 hours, don't do anything until I get there." John said and hung up.<br>"Yes sir." Dean said to the dial tone before flipping him own phone shut.  
>He stood there and slowly began to realise that has hand was clamped tightly around the amulet around his neck that Sam had given him for Christmas one year. He looked down at the ground for a little longer and then walked back inside.<br>"Dad's on his way." Dean said to Bobby before going back upstairs.  
>He lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling until he heard his fathers truck pull into the driveway. He got up and went to the window just in time to see John jump out of the black truck and walk to the front door. He heard the door open adn then there was faint voices.<br>He could hear them moving around downstairs and glanced at the clock on the bedside table. 11:55 the numbers read; his father was early.  
>He sighed and then walked out of the bedroom and downstairs. He stood at the bottom when he saw his father in the hallway. John turned around the sound of footsteps and stopped when he saw Dean staring at him from the bottom of the wooden staircase. They stared at each other for a few seconds before John moved foward and wrapped his arms around his now only son. Dean was shocked for a second before he hugged his father back. He had no idea how long they stayed like that but they finally let go when Bobby cleared his throat.<br>John took a step back and put a hand on his sons shoulder, "Come on Dean, let's give your brothers the funeral they deserve." Dean nodded and walked into the living room.  
>He took the six-year-old while John got his other Sam and they carried them outside toward the pyre. Dean covered the bodies and Sam's bag in salt and gasoline and then lit a match and threw it on top of it all. Nothing happened for a second and Dean thought the match had gone for out but after a moment everything burst into flames and Dean took a step back.<br>The three hunters stood there, watching the youngest Winchester burn.  
>Like a hunter who had died in battle.<p>

**THE END**

_**A/N: I know, the ending was quite terrible and incredibly short, but after reading through this many times, I have decided that I like it. I never intended for Sam to survive in this story and I think this is a better way of killing him off than I originally had planned. I hope you enjoyed and once again, thank you to everyone who has read this, reviewed, favourited and followed. You guys are the only reason I ended up finishing this. THANK YOU!**_


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